John Goodman, swimming in jello
Small children, buckets of lard
Ethel Merman, Margaret Thatcher
Strom Thurmond in a leotard.

These things aren't sexy, they just aren't sexy
They don't make me wanna have sex
These things aren't sexy, they just aren't sexy,
They don't make me wanna have sex.

Tom Hanks accent as a slow-witted Southerner
In the recent hit Forrest Gump
Chelsea Clinton, the State of New Jersey
Just because it's a dump.

These things aren't sexy, they just aren't sexy,
They don't make me wanna have sex.
These things aren't sexy, they just aren't sexy,
They don't make me want to have sex.

Lentil loaf and canned canned meat products
Milk that's mysteriously thick.
Rosanne Barr and very large goiters
'Cause both those things are plain sick

(Musical interlude)

These things aren't sexy, they just aren't sexy,
They don't make me wanna have sex.
These things are sexy, they just aren't sexy
They don't make me wanna
I really don't wanna
With Strom I don't wanna have sex.